Besides obviously finding a job outside of Georgia or abroad I haven't made any New Year's resolutions for 2012, but after tidying up my room and my PC, I think I'd like to take on a few creative projects this year. I have a stack of postcards and small prints I bought from the art museums and national parks I visited last year. I want to put them together and frame them, like a collage of all my favorite works and sites. I also have two medium size prints I need to frame and hang on the walls; my Japanese idol posters could use some company. One print is Edward Hopper's Haskell's House (1924) and the other is Matisse's La Négresse (1952). Seeing Matisse's in person last year in DC was a very surreal experience. The painting is very large. My friend tells me I stared at it for twenty minutes. I could have stared at it all day.
Another project I would like to undertake is a little daunting, but it needs to be done. It involves the 8,000+ photos I took with three point-and-shoot cameras in the year I was in Japan. I'm reluctant to upload my photos to Flickr or other online photo storing services so instead I will make a digital scrapbook/slideshow/video of my memories and experiences in Japan. I'd like to show my friends after I'm done to see what sort of memories are stirred within them from the perspective of my photos. I also know of a few friends who unfortunately had most, if not all, of their digital photos wiped from their hard drives with no hope of recovery, so maybe this project can help bring back memories of our time spent together in what was probably the most fun year of our lives to date. Perhaps I'll print a few hundred of those photos and make a physical photo album too. This project is the most tedious of the two but it will be fun and rewarding.
This week was my birthday. My birthday weekend was shit but it happened and I can't change it now. I'm upset at myself and at some of my friends. I should have just waited to celebrate my birthday the next month or so like I've done the past few years. It is worth the wait if I know all of my friends will show up, actually be genki, and celebrate with me. It's not even about people cancelling to _my_ birthday party. I just thought it would be easier to gather a big group of friends, especially some who I haven't seen in a while, on my birthday, so that they wouldn't be bothered the rest of the year. I understand some people had legitimate reasons for cancelling, but don't tell me you'll show up then don't without so much as an apology, especially when one of you was my ride home.
Then again that's what I get for inviting a group of guys to come out and celebrate with me. What's in it for them if there's no promised one-on-one time with me? Sometimes guys here really disgust me. Sometimes I never want to be friends with them. But if I did that then I wouldn't have any friends, since I'm not exactly popular with the ladies.
I shouldn't have felt as lonely as I did this weekend. Of all the weekends I shouldn't have been reminded of the problem that arises when you're a woman and most of your friends are men. I don't want any of you as a boyfriend, lover, or husband. I try to avoid sex as much as I can. How many times and how loudly do I have to say this in order for them to understand? I will never return your feelings. Please move on and start treating me like a person. Because that's what I am.
I am a horrible person for saying this out loud. I feel like a child for making idle complaints about a weekend that didn't go my way when my friends and I have much bigger problems in life. I know my friends (even my closer ones) didn't realize but this is the last birthday I'll celebrate Stateside for a while. I just wish everyone came and at least faked being genki for me. I do it for them all the time.
That said, I won't let this post end on a negative note. This weekend, I thought of all my friends in Japan and in other parts of the world. I miss them all terribly, even those I've never met face-to-face before. I received warm messages from those I care about and got some wonderful gifts from friends and family. The most ironic gift was from a friend I've known since high school. He recently made a trip to Japan and got me AKB48's Flying Get single. He knows I'm not interested in them, and he hates idols, so it made it all the more hilarious when I opened his gift and saw the single. I laughed really, really hard. Another friend sent me a phone strap with the mascot from Torikizoku, a yakitori restaurant chain we used to frequent when I was in Japan. My mother's gift to me was a beautiful white dresser her friend previously owned. It has a country French design to it and is a perfect piece for my room. I couldn't be any happier with it.
My mom also got me a membership at the local gym(lol), and on that note, I think I'll go use it now! I'm so new to gyms it's embarrassing. I tend to stick to treadmills even though I would benefit from lifting weights and doing more ab exercises. I have been attending Zumba classes lately, however. They are so much fun, they pump me up and I work up a good amount of sweat during the hour and a half class.
Sorry for the negative vibes earlier. I hope everyone had a great weekend and a Happy New Year.
Sincerely,
M
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